There exists on this world a lot which, if stripped of even one in every of its elements, could be rendered naught however a frail phantasm. Roast pork with out applesauce? An insult to god and man alike. A sword and not using a hilt? Merely sharpened iron, stripped of use or dignity. As our band of eight rode into Heuwiller – Thillmann on the head as befitted his command, Slackbladder on the again as befitted our nostrils – a darkish cloud fell upon us. For what’s a village and not using a single poxy alehouse in sight? Nary a trough stuffed with fermented carrot juice. It was going to be an extended day.
The boys have been in tough spirits, too. Dissatisfaction throughout, though not having been paid since we would left Kobmanhaven defending that caravan certainly hadn’t helped. Nicely, at the very least we had coin now, and have been brief a sure welching Rick Nipples moreover. The following settlement on was a village named Tannenweiler to the west. It wasn’t a brief journey, however I wasn’t going to be the one to inform the corporate there was no ale available earlier than the subsequent job, so we set out.
No pub in Tannenweiler, both. This would not do in any respect. We would narrowly averted a pack of direwolves getting right here n’all. North it was then, to see if we would have higher luck at Jadeburg hold. Dogpollock the historian tried suggesting we go sober for a bit, see if that helped with all of the complications, though all of us suspected this was simply bitter grapes for the bitter grapes that Fritz vomited throughout his parchment final week. Jason of Stathingham threatened to stay Dogpollock’s quill in his ear and write the phrase ‘twat’ on his larynx, and we heard no extra out of him for the journey north.
It is on that journey north that we realised we would close to run out of meals save a impromptu stew the band have labelled ‘crotch broth’, and Jason advised we politely liberate a close-by farmstead of its edible items. Having a daily fondness for edible items myself and suspecting the boys shared the identical predilections, I nodded the go-ahead. The household that lived there did not take a lot convincing, and we left with a very good little bit of smoked ham, feeling for all of the world like heroes from track for not murdering everybody with a view to purchase a second, presumably bigger little bit of smoked ham.
Quickly, as if a benevolent god had espied our privations and seen how missing we have been in something to correctly wash down the ham we would so righteously liberated from that bastard farm, the lamplight from Jadeburg’s tavern bathed us all in its heat glow as quickly as we entered town. We wakened two days later, lighter of each purse and spirits, swearing solely to do good on this world so long as we lived, then promptly set about discovering some skulls that wanted cracking for booze cash.
For that, we wanted to journey again to the one-horse, no-pub village of Tanneweiler, the place we discovered one other buying and selling caravan that wanted guarding. Sitting on horseback for a number of days in alternate for a thousand crowns gave the impression of simply the soft job we wanted in any case that ham-based exertion, so we agreed. If we have been attacked, we would get one other 19 crowns for each head we introduced. Dozing lazily in our saddles and dreaming of three-headed bandits, we set off.
We have been stopped not lengthy out of Jadeburg by a frantic girl looking for assist for grandfather, who’d fallen down a effectively. “Nicely good luck with that,” shouted Terry, and we rode off in a cloud of mud, guffawing and slapping him on the again for making life value residing together with his prime tier comedy.
Apart from that, the journey was uneventful, and we quickly discovered ourselves in Tanwir, in awe of its majestic dome-crested constructions, and a thousand crowns richer. We stocked up on rice and lamb, then determined to welcome a number of new faces to the band, offering these faces price underneath 100 crowns every to rent. We do not want anybody displaying us up, now. Glass Toe Jim Joe Jackon was once a servant, till his masters made him struggle a hyena for celebration leisure. Now, he was a free man, keen to affix us combating wolves for a lot worse advantages. Galib The Peculiar was a tailor, which made for the third tailor we would employed to this point. We set him about tailoring Slackbladder some new breeches, purchased them each weapons, and went to discover a contract.
One other supply job, this time taking an astrologer’s package deal West to town of Al-Hazif. One other uneventful journey ensued, and I might inform the boys have been getting impatient for lack of violence, for violent males can not dwell on ham alone. For lack of choices, I signed us up for a harmful contract seeing off some native nomads. We made our approach over to their camp, solely to discover a paltry 5 bastards awaiting us. 5? We would barely have to get our weapons out….
First blood went to Terry, who plugged a bolt proper by means of the ear of a club-wielding nomad. Markward ate a cleaver to the chest, exposing the remainder of the band to much more of his ribs than they’d ever deliberate on seeing this aspect of a rack of ham ribs. Then, Jason rattling close to misplaced his arm to a scimitar. Markward managed to get himself clubbed to giblets, the foolish sausage, and Terry took down the primary of their quantity with one other well-aimed bolt. Dogpollock tried to again off from a melee to offer himself house to throw a javelin, getting his windpipe crushed within the course of, which did at the very least imply Jason would have a tougher time scribing ‘twat’ on his larynx. Then, Thilmann took down a second man, getting himself clubbed good within the course of.
Rumjugs, pioneer of an axe method he’d named ‘break up man’, proceeded to separate males, and shortly we would seen the final of them off. We would misplaced Dogpollock and Glass Toe Jim Joe Jackon within the course of – proof from the next energy that nobody man has any proper laying declare to that many names. Markward has survived, however was in poor form, nonetheless displaying at the very least thrice as many ribs as a person ought to ever show in well mannered firm. We would get him a pleasant new shirt after we received again to town.
